Is it that I don't do my job well ?? Is it that I tend to be always careless ?? Am I not taking responsibility very well ?? Am I not serious about my job ??
I tend to get a lot of scrutiny either at office or at home or at church or at any place I go. I believe the reason is I don't try to overdo anything. But when I try to limit myself for not overdoing it, I practically limit myself in my performance. I think in limiting myself I am letting down a bunch of people, who have come to expect a lot from me.
Why am I limiting myself ?? Can I not overdo and get everybody's affection and make everybody adore me. I don't think so. In the past years, whenever I over did something, I had to lose doing other stuff, that I would love to do. When I stayed home for an important stuff, I missed work. When I stayed at office for critical stuff, I missed home. Its the same everywhere.
I think from the top of it I am not balancing myself properly or I have to dedicate my efforts to some items and ignore others. Meaning I should focus myself with some critical items and ignore all other stuff which I might love to incorporate inside the schedule. May be for a little more time.
Still I am hopelessly deciding what to focus on and what to leave !! May be I actually don't have a choice, born to an average middle-class family I am aspiring to be many things most of which I might need to forget. The real stuff is if I plan to achieve those which I aspire, I might need to live like a untiring system. And stop having a life out of it. The more I go through this process of prioritizing these items, the more I become frustrated. Not only about myself but also with my limitations and aspirations.
May be I am not worth it, my ambitions. May God help me through this turbulent times. I have postponed this decision for long now, now I want God to show me the exact way I should be walking. If I am clear of what I should be achieving I can at the least try my level best at it.
I tend to get a lot of scrutiny either at office or at home or at church or at any place I go. I believe the reason is I don't try to overdo anything. But when I try to limit myself for not overdoing it, I practically limit myself in my performance. I think in limiting myself I am letting down a bunch of people, who have come to expect a lot from me.
Why am I limiting myself ?? Can I not overdo and get everybody's affection and make everybody adore me. I don't think so. In the past years, whenever I over did something, I had to lose doing other stuff, that I would love to do. When I stayed home for an important stuff, I missed work. When I stayed at office for critical stuff, I missed home. Its the same everywhere.
I think from the top of it I am not balancing myself properly or I have to dedicate my efforts to some items and ignore others. Meaning I should focus myself with some critical items and ignore all other stuff which I might love to incorporate inside the schedule. May be for a little more time.
Still I am hopelessly deciding what to focus on and what to leave !! May be I actually don't have a choice, born to an average middle-class family I am aspiring to be many things most of which I might need to forget. The real stuff is if I plan to achieve those which I aspire, I might need to live like a untiring system. And stop having a life out of it. The more I go through this process of prioritizing these items, the more I become frustrated. Not only about myself but also with my limitations and aspirations.
May be I am not worth it, my ambitions. May God help me through this turbulent times. I have postponed this decision for long now, now I want God to show me the exact way I should be walking. If I am clear of what I should be achieving I can at the least try my level best at it.
1 comment:
Jay,
I happen to see this. I do not think you ought to be confused or frustrated. But life is about choice. You can't have everything you want to have nor do you get to do everything you want to do. How you want to lead your life depends on what your ambitions are and what you want to give up achieving those ambitions. But one thing is for sure. If you are ambitious and you have the goods to achieve those ambitions, which I think you do, then you need to make some sacrifices. Simply put, extraordinary success requires extraordinary commitment and hard work.
Most people who are generally very smart do not achieve their potential not only because they do not have the will to stay committed to their ambition for a long period of time but also are not able to make the necessary sacrifices.
We tend to get carried away by what is going on around us and spend time on trivial things and generally drift away aimlessly. That is what happens to most of us and there is no point in blaming others if we fail to achieve our ambitions. As I said extraordinary success requires extraordinary hard work. This is more true if you are in a leadership position. The reason being not only you need to be highly motivated and committed but you also need to cultivate the ability to motivate others.
Hope this helps you in getting a better perspective on the confusion you seem to have.
Sekar
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