I have seen it, felt it, and embraced it. Since I was a kid, my mind has felt a bother right through my life. Sometimes I have wondered if the bother was the one keeping me focussed in day-to-day activities. It might be.
When I was a young boy, I aspired to be an Engineer. After becoming an Engineering student, I was at constant bother about the job I am going to get. To say the least I started learning about competitive exams (like GATE/GRE/TOEFL/CAT/GMAT) and their related books (like CSRs/puzzles/Language/Quantitative/Qualitative tests/questions), right in the first week of my college life. To the extent I was craze on getting a job, I just easily said, no to PG courses to my father. I wrote GATE, but that was pretty much namesake.
After I got the job, I wanted to be something more always. I was never satisfied with the way at work, constantly wanted to improve. This bother is very obsessive, it makes you spend hours/days/nights just deciding where I should be in the next two months/half year/year/,... etc.,
Some might feel, that this is very taxing and can take a major toll on everyday life, but I feel it has strengthened be whenever I was down. The resilience in the bother made me surpass expectations from most people. But the bother still remains. May be it is helping me on improving myself dearly. Really, sometimes I enjoy the bother, but sometimes I too tend to become unstable because of it. Always the stability returns, but sometimes I am not myself. And that too bothers me.
I am not sure if it is a gift, but as they say Idle mind is Devil's workshop, all I pray and want is to have a healthy relationship with this bother and let it continue to guide me on the life journey. May be it is God who has pre-determined this to happen inside me, or is it just my faith which beckons this explanation.
When I was a young boy, I aspired to be an Engineer. After becoming an Engineering student, I was at constant bother about the job I am going to get. To say the least I started learning about competitive exams (like GATE/GRE/TOEFL/CAT/GMAT) and their related books (like CSRs/puzzles/Language/Quantitative/Qualitative tests/questions), right in the first week of my college life. To the extent I was craze on getting a job, I just easily said, no to PG courses to my father. I wrote GATE, but that was pretty much namesake.
After I got the job, I wanted to be something more always. I was never satisfied with the way at work, constantly wanted to improve. This bother is very obsessive, it makes you spend hours/days/nights just deciding where I should be in the next two months/half year/year/,... etc.,
Some might feel, that this is very taxing and can take a major toll on everyday life, but I feel it has strengthened be whenever I was down. The resilience in the bother made me surpass expectations from most people. But the bother still remains. May be it is helping me on improving myself dearly. Really, sometimes I enjoy the bother, but sometimes I too tend to become unstable because of it. Always the stability returns, but sometimes I am not myself. And that too bothers me.
I am not sure if it is a gift, but as they say Idle mind is Devil's workshop, all I pray and want is to have a healthy relationship with this bother and let it continue to guide me on the life journey. May be it is God who has pre-determined this to happen inside me, or is it just my faith which beckons this explanation.
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