Is it that I don't do my job well ?? Is it that I tend to be always careless ?? Am I not taking responsibility very well ?? Am I not serious about my job ??
I tend to get a lot of scrutiny either at office or at home or at church or at any place I go. I believe the reason is I don't try to overdo anything. But when I try to limit myself for not overdoing it, I practically limit myself in my performance. I think in limiting myself I am letting down a bunch of people, who have come to expect a lot from me.
Why am I limiting myself ?? Can I not overdo and get everybody's affection and make everybody adore me. I don't think so. In the past years, whenever I over did something, I had to lose doing other stuff, that I would love to do. When I stayed home for an important stuff, I missed work. When I stayed at office for critical stuff, I missed home. Its the same everywhere.
I think from the top of it I am not balancing myself properly or I have to dedicate my efforts to some items and ignore others. Meaning I should focus myself with some critical items and ignore all other stuff which I might love to incorporate inside the schedule. May be for a little more time.
Still I am hopelessly deciding what to focus on and what to leave !! May be I actually don't have a choice, born to an average middle-class family I am aspiring to be many things most of which I might need to forget. The real stuff is if I plan to achieve those which I aspire, I might need to live like a untiring system. And stop having a life out of it. The more I go through this process of prioritizing these items, the more I become frustrated. Not only about myself but also with my limitations and aspirations.
May be I am not worth it, my ambitions. May God help me through this turbulent times. I have postponed this decision for long now, now I want God to show me the exact way I should be walking. If I am clear of what I should be achieving I can at the least try my level best at it.
I tend to get a lot of scrutiny either at office or at home or at church or at any place I go. I believe the reason is I don't try to overdo anything. But when I try to limit myself for not overdoing it, I practically limit myself in my performance. I think in limiting myself I am letting down a bunch of people, who have come to expect a lot from me.
Why am I limiting myself ?? Can I not overdo and get everybody's affection and make everybody adore me. I don't think so. In the past years, whenever I over did something, I had to lose doing other stuff, that I would love to do. When I stayed home for an important stuff, I missed work. When I stayed at office for critical stuff, I missed home. Its the same everywhere.
I think from the top of it I am not balancing myself properly or I have to dedicate my efforts to some items and ignore others. Meaning I should focus myself with some critical items and ignore all other stuff which I might love to incorporate inside the schedule. May be for a little more time.
Still I am hopelessly deciding what to focus on and what to leave !! May be I actually don't have a choice, born to an average middle-class family I am aspiring to be many things most of which I might need to forget. The real stuff is if I plan to achieve those which I aspire, I might need to live like a untiring system. And stop having a life out of it. The more I go through this process of prioritizing these items, the more I become frustrated. Not only about myself but also with my limitations and aspirations.
May be I am not worth it, my ambitions. May God help me through this turbulent times. I have postponed this decision for long now, now I want God to show me the exact way I should be walking. If I am clear of what I should be achieving I can at the least try my level best at it.
